What a writer is thinking …

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Lately, I’ve been trying very hard to avoid getting annoyed.

Of course, I fail dismally, on an almost-daily basis. After all, apart from my Tiger, just about everybody else in the world is at least occasionally annoying aren’t they? So it makes statistical sense that, every couple of days, I’d encounter one of those people on their occasional day of annoyosity. The statistical probability rises even more when you consider that some people are annoying ALL THE TIME.

Also, there are little yappy dogs. Of which we have several in our street. Never. Not. Annoying.

But, now I have arrived at the curmudgeonly age of thirty-one, I am hyper-conscious that I do not wish to become a Grumpy Old Woman (even though, when I watched those shows on the ABC, I always thought I was more of a Grumpy Old Man than a woman anyway). I don’t want to be one of those pursed-lips old crones, tutting and shaking their head at other people for just, you know, being alive.

Also, Tiger. Tiger is the anti-grump and I want her to stay that way. I want to avoid bringing any grump into her little life – she’ll get more than enough from other people.

So, I’m trying to laugh, instead of frowning. And I’m trying to use more that old writer’s saying, “It’s okay. I can use this in my next book”.

So, today, when the flowers I ordered got sent on the wrong day?

I can use that.

When the wood deliverer people came to deliver wood, and woke up Tiger, even though I had not ordered wood?

Using that.

When the young man in Cotton On Kids ignored me and Tiger at the checkout for a good five minutes while he chatted up a girl with green hair?

Using.

When nobody stood up to let me (carrying Tiger) sit down on the bus? The bus that arrived ten minutes late when the one previous had arrived ten minutes early (so Tiger and I missed it by the skin of our little teeth, even though we were both waving madly)?

Not using that. Just joking. Of course I am!

When the lady in the IGA berated me for not having mittens on Tiger (it was an unseasonably warm day in Launceston and, also, Tiger Hates Mittens)?

Using.

When ALL OF THE LITTLE PEOPLE CHAIRS IN THE CHILDREN’S SECTION OF THE LIBRARY WERE BEING USED BY NON-LITTLE PEOPLE?

Using that too. But seriously, that IS annoying, right?

All of the people; all of you; who did silly, thoughtless, annoying things today? You’re going in my next novel. And I may make an anvil fall on you. Or at the very least give you violent gastro.

I AM USING ALL OF IT. THEREFORE BAD THINGS ARE ACTUALLY GOOD. THEREFORE NO GRUMPY.

It’s working. Sort of. Today, at least.

So, if you’re ever wondering why there’s a small lady in Tasmania, carrying a glorious baby, smiling at you inanely while you’re doing ALL OF THE ANNOYING THINGS?

Smee. And I’m thinking, “That’s right. Just keep doing that. You’re writing my novel for me.”

And also, “Mwahahahahahahahaaaa!!!!”*

* Evil laugh of crazy writer person.