Husband Bear and I arrived home from the movies yesterday to a very surprising and curious sight.
Somebody had been using my computer!
And not only had they been using my computer, they had also … written things.
Now, I can’t actually tell you what those things were because the words that displayed on my screen were written in a language that was not English.
I had just been to see an alien movie (the gorgeous Paul) and I am very susceptible to any assertion – whether in film or literature – that there are creatures out there that are not catalogued by the scientists of our world.
Therefore, my first instinct was that aliens had been using my computer.
However, my attention was diverted from my computer screen by a strange, inhuman sound coming from beneath the dinner table … a sort of yowling.
It was Mephy Danger Gordon.
And he was licking his paws!
Of course! It was obvious! MDG had RSI!
Mephy Danger was the computer user and budding author!
Just to confirm our suspicions, HB and I recreated the scene of the crime, and photographed our evidence. MDG seemed comfortable at the computer. He seemed to know his way around. We took this as proof: Mephy Danger was definitely the author of the strange and marvellous inhuman words filling my computer screen.
But what was he writing?
One can only assume Mephy was working on his magnum opus; the culmination of a lifetime’s kitty research. I only wish I could read it. I only wish you all could. The fact that Mephy writes in Cattish is a great loss to the English-speaking world.
My fervent desire is that, one day, HB and I will find a Cattish translator and thus be able to bring Mephy’s masterwork to the masses.
Has your pet got a special talent? Have you ever suspected them of doing marvellous things while you’re out of the house?
Here is the evidence of Mephy’s secret double life as authorcat: